Things to look for when choosing a Professional Dominatrix.
By: Mistress Milliscent
Choosing the right Professional Dominatrix for yourself is something which should be done with care, as the right lady will be able to deliver you to the height of ecstasy, while the wrong one will, at best, make you frustrated, and at worst, make your BDSM experience something you will forever regret. In my opinion there are a number of things you need to look for in a Professional Dominatrix; reputation, communication, honesty, compatibility, and discretion, as well as where she stands on specific points; safety, sanity, consensuality and limitations. Without knowing what you are looking for in a Professional Dominatrix, what you end up with may not be what you intended to experience.
Over time, everyone builds a reputation, while there is no Better Business Bureau for Professional Dominas, the BDSM
scene in most areas has resources and people who can offer insight into the reputation of the
local Dominas, especially if the Domina you are interested in participates in local BDSM functions. Recommendations from current and former submissives
are also noteworthy; few submissives, if any, will ever recommend a bad
mistress. The Domina should be viewed well by others, as there is generally a kernel of truth in one's reputation.
I believe that good communication is one of the most important
aspects of any BDSM relationship. The Dominatrix and the submissive should both be willing to communicate their ideas and concepts as well as answer
any questions regarding the BDSM scene they are negotiating. A good Domina will ask the submissive questions about many personal and intimate subjects,
and while she is evaluating you through communication, you should evaluate her in turn. Does she seem to care about your answers? Does she provide
you with a sense of comfort in the scene you are negotiating? Or does she make you feel like you are intruding? Good communication will give you
a better idea of the person you will be putting your trust in.
For any BDSM scene to work, the submissive must be totally honest with the Domina. If you have health problems, no matter how embarrassing,
she will need to know in order to assure you have the safest and best experience
possible. If you have phobias that may become part of a scene, she must know these as well. Knowing your fantasies is a big part of the scene,
but more important to your health and her reputation are knowing your fears and physical limitations. By the same token, however, the Dominatrix needs
to be totally honest with you. The photographs used in her advertisements need to be of her, and should be reasonably recent. Her advertisement should
reflect her personal style, not just something put together by a design company. She should also be honest about her fees, she should
not try to avoid the question, or answer it with indirect words.
In my experience, too many submissives don't spend enough time
or effort on getting to know a Dominatrix. Some are so eager to play, that they forget the importance of compatibility. I find this to be especially
true of novice submissives. Communicate your fantasies. Many submissives have fantasies about certain items of clothing, toys, or equipment. If
you, as a submissive, do have strong fantasies or fetishes for certain items, you should discover if those items are available, or inquire if
you might be able to supply them. The submissive should also discover if his fantasies are shared by the Domina. Some mistresses are not interested
in specific activities, or do not feel comfortable performing certain scenes. If her interests are vastly different from your own, you will certainly
not have a very good time together. Inquire about her wardrobe and equipment.
An experienced Domina who truly loves BDSM and is committed to the lifestyle
will have spent a great amount of time and resources on her fetish clothing,
toys and equipment.
Discretion is a very important component of all Professional Domination as well. The Domina should take steps to assure that the submissives
personal information is kept private at all times. She should also not live in a way that calls undue attention to herself from the vanilla community
at large if she operates from her home or even in a private dungeon.
Additionally, it is the submissives responsibility to respect the Dominatrix. You should
never make a spectacle of yourself in front of her home or wherever her dungeon happens to be. Should you happen upon her in a public forum not
part of the BDSM community, you should also respect her privacy. Just because
she is a Professional Dominatrix, doesn't mean that society at large will
understand or be willing to accept her once they know what she does for a living, nor does it mean she wants anyone outside the BDSM community
to know that about her. In addition, it is my experience and belief that a good Professional Dominatrix will
never include sexual contact as part of their scenes. My message to any submissive seeking professional domination,
is that sex is not a part of the scene. Period.
Of utmost importance, is safety. Be sure she knows your medical
history, and ask about her policy if an accident does occur. No scene is ever guaranteed to go perfectly, and it is your responsibility to make
sure you feel as safe as possible. A Domina with first aid experience is the best, but be sure she has the experience to play safely and to respond
quickly in case of an emergency. Her dungeon should be located in a nice, safe, location, in a good part of
town. Her dungeon and her toys should be kept impeccably clean at all times before
and after a scene. Engaging in BDSM while under the influence of drugs or alcohol is an extremely dangerous practice. In your communications with
a dominatrix, ask about her feelings on this issue. You both should feel secure that neither one of you will ever arrive for a scene, and not be
totally clean and sober.
Sanity, a watchword in the BDSM community, should be taken seriously.
While it is tough to know beforehand, the submissive should gain, through
communicating with the Domina, a feeling that she will not harm him emotionally.
If you do not gain this feeling, make sure you ask about her practices when it comes to dealing with the psychological aspect of a scene. A scene
should be conducted in such a manner that the submissive leaves feeling
as good if not better about themselves, than they did going in.
All BDSM is based upon consensuality and limitations. Every Dominatrix
should respect the limits of her submissive at all times. She should communicate
enough with you to know what those limitations are, and you should have a good feeling that she understands those limits.
No scene should ever engage in any activity that you are not willing to try. Safewords
should be given out, and if ever something goes too far for you, you can use those safe words to either stop that particular activity, slow it down,
or stop the scene completely. The Domina, too, will have her limitations. She should be willing to discuss her own limitations in a clear and straightforward
manner. She should tell you if some parts of your fantasies would be beyond
those limits, so that you can make an informed choice if she is the right Domme for you.
Knowing and following these general thoughts, should find you
in the hands of a very capable Professional Dominatrix, one that will keep your best interests in mind, while helping you fulfill your submissive
fantasies.