About Compatibility In A BDSM Relationship
Some time ago I posted a few thoughts about compatibility between dominant and submissive. Suzanne recently posted on the same topic. Enjoy her post here.
Serve Me!
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February 12, 2011
A Conversation With Suzanne, Number 8
In postings on your blog sissy has been recounting her erotic experiences with another dominant woman. Did you have difficulty overcoming feelings of jealousy when you allowed such service to take place? Did the fact that the other woman is your sister make it easier or more difficult for you? Do you see 'outside' play opportunities for sissy growing in the future?
By nature, I can be rather possessive and sometimes jealous when it comes to my romantic relationships. Teasing sissy about serving my friends, girlfriends or perhaps other women makes for very exciting, erotic and titillating fantasy but in reality, I have had a difficult time with letting it happen.
As sissy has met some of my female friends who are aware of our lifestyle, I've sometimes brought up their names during "pillow talk", suggesting that someday, sissy would be made to serve and/or service them. This verbal type of foreplay has its obvious effects on her. The thoughts of her submitting to some of these friends, particularly when I single one out by name, brings clarity and specificity to the potential scene and excited sissy even more.
The number of friends I have in this inner circle, particularly those who have seen sissy "en femme" is very small. They are all very, very close friends. At one point or another, they've each dropped hints about how nice it would be to have sissy at their disposal for a short period of time, or longer in some cases. One friend came right out and asked me!
Allowing the service with my sister has made it easier. While I am sure the situation seems bizarre and perhaps "over the top" to some readers, it did lessen the feelings of jealousy that I experienced. If I was ever going to allow, or require, sissy to be of service to others, I also thought that the situation with my sister would serve as a good starting point or, at the very least, a way to give it a try. It was a good fit in other ways as well. It blended well with our established lifestyle. The "babysitting" theme had legitimate meaning to it. In addition, my sister Sherry understands the limits and I trust her implicitly.
I do see the possibility that additional outside play opportunities could develop for sissy in the future. At present, it's not something that I am actively seeking, but given the right opportunity, I might explore it further. Also, it's by no means a given that the outside play opportunities would be of a sexual nature. They are more likely to involve other types of service, at least initially. Sissy's safety and well-being will always be of the utmost important as well. Reality is that I would never put her or her health in any type of jeopardy.
My jealousy and possessiveness will always come into play however. That will never go away. In the end, those traits might severely limit the number of opportunities that come up in the future. They may, or they may not. If they do, then so be it.
February 6, 2011
A Conversation With Suzanne, Number 7
You have decided to make infantilism a part of sissy's life, posting occasionally about the use of diapers, plastic panties, and specially filled baby bottles. Do you find that spending time as a 'baby' enhances sissy's submission to you or her feelings of dependence upon you? As a dominant wife, what attracts you to this specific activity? Is it something that you are likely to expand upon as your relationship continues to grow?
Infantilism became part of our lifestyle very early on in our relationship when I discovered that, unbeknownst to her at the time, sissy's first encounter with it came at the age of 6 or 7 years old. She had an older female cousin that she spent a lot of time with. The cousin and one of her girl friends, who were both the same age (about 4 years older), enjoyed playing "house", with one of them being the mommy and the other the daddy. Sissy, being the youngest of the three, was always the "baby." The games progressed, or should I say "regressed" to the point where sissy was often dressed as the baby, given a bottle, etc. On a few occasions, this even included some diapering and some ill-fitting plastic panties. The games continued until sissy's aunt discovered their antics and put a stop to it.
Sissy's submission is most definitely enhanced as a result of spending time as a baby. It's this enhancement, or deepening, of her submission that has made the practice so appealing to me.
The baby play was fun when we first started doing it, but I took it to a whole other level when I incorporated it into her overall sissification and made it a part of our lifestyle. As our lifestyle progressed, her time as a baby was exposed to a few of my close friends and finally Jay. This took it beyond the "fun" stage. I enjoyed the humiliation she felt while "babied" In the presence of others more than I thought I would. As a result, I've used it more and more.
The exposure to others is not something she enjoys and an excellent behavior modification tool. In addition, it fits well with her feminization because, for the most part, I prefer a seeing her as either a sweet little sissy or a dutiful submissive "wife" as opposed to the slutty look. Infantilism to a great extent is an extension of the little girl look.
I don't see the infantilism expanding very much in our relationship (at least that is the plan at present). I think I balance its use pretty well, using it when I either want to, or when I feel a need. At times, either when I am displeased with her behavior or for any other reason, I order sissy to go get her diaper and other items ready. On cue, she obeys and waits for me to put her in her diaper. Also, many of her orgasms come when she is diapered. That fits very well with the "control" aspect of our relationship.
The diaper and other baby items are very symbolic as well; they point out the stark differences between sissy, and Jay, my very masculine lover.
A Bet On The Superbowl
I've got a little erotic bet on the Superbowl. The beauty is, no matter if I win the bet or loose, I'll get a wonderfully erotic time!
Her Dildo, Femdom Fiction In Seattle
I'm on my back, moving gently, looking up into her face. There is so much to read in her expressions, I find watching her this way forever fascinating. Lust, pleasure, passion, desire, need, I see everything in her face, in her dark brown eyes.
My own body is filled with an explosive mixture of pleasure and pain. My pain enhances her enjoyment so she started our lovemaking with a short, but very intense session of ball-breaking. I know that the pain left over from her attention to my balls will take hours to fade away. Her clamps crush my nipples as she rides her way to pleasure but simple clamping is never enough for her, she uses her fingers and her fingernails to enhance their delivery of pain. All that pain fades against the pleasure I feel however. The intense pleasure of having my cock buried deeply inside her body, the joy I experience as she grinds her hips against my own.
I've been well trained to never cum inside of her, so she can ride me as long as she desires without any risk of harming my chastity training. As I look into her face I know that very soon she will experience her second orgasm of the evening. She'll be sated after she does, and sated she'll have no more need for my cock. She'll move her body from me; lift away so that my still raging cock will leave her body despite my need to cum. She of course doesn't think that I should cum; she doesn't consider my cock to be a cock at all in fact. She calls it her dildo, and she never wants me to forget that I am little more than her human dildo.
When she is satisfied she will relax a moment then bring out the ice. My cock, her dildo, will suffer the ice until it is numb and soft. When it is nothing but an unfeeling tube of flesh she will stuff it back into its stainless steel cage. She never allows it to be free, it remains always either in its chastity device or in her body. I like feeling that level of control, like being kept as her dildo, love knowing that our fucking can never result in an orgasm for me. Some may think me deprived, but they don't understand, I get to experience orgasm through her eyes, watch as it wracks her body. I could never ask for anything more.
February 1, 2011
A Conversation With Suzanne, Number 6
How did you know that Sissy was the person you wanted to spend the rest of your life with? Did you propose or did he? At what point did you decide to seek out another man to cuckold Sissy with? Did any particular event trigger your decision? How did you inform Sissy that he would become a cuckold? How has it made your relationship with Sissy stronger?
It became clear once sissy moved in that we were quite compatible beyond our mutual D/s-related interests. I've touched on this before, but there definitely needs to be chemistry in the "vanilla" portion of any relationship if it's going to succeed. We both had an interest in sports/athletics. Like me, sissy had also played intercollegiate athletics. While it may come to a surprise to many of my readers, and seem "out of character", sissy was a very good basketball player in high school and went on to play at the college level. Despite her lack of height and slight stature, she was an excellent basketball player! Beyond sports, we connected intellectually as well - an area that in my opinion is too often overlooked when searching for the right partner. In addition to the sex, we just had fun together and enjoyed each other's company. We were comfortable with one another.
I began to think about a longer-term relationship. There wasn't any one specific moment where I knew sissy was "the one." Those moments make for great scenes in movies and romance novels but in my case, the realization came about as a result of all the time we spent together, the things we did and the type of person I found sissy to be. The more intimate we became with one another, particularly when it came to fulfilling each of our sexual fantasies, I realized that I had never been as comfortable doing these things with any else. The roles we had taken on just came naturally. It was so much more than role-play and a lifestyle I wanted to adopt permanently.
When my one-year commitment and the academic year were coming to a close, I realized how difficult it was going to be to go back to my regular position and leave sissy behind. My feelings for her ran deep. As the time for me to leave drew closer, I realized that I didn't want our relationship to end.
She'd hinted at finding ways for our relationship to continue beyond the end of the school year. At one point she asked if I could extend my assignment. When I asked her "why?" she responded that she didn't want me to leave and wished she could come with me. She told me that she loved me. I told her I would love to take her with me and asked her point blank if she could see herself living this type of relationship on a full time basis. When she answered in the affirmative, I knew that somehow we could make it work.
She proposed and I accepted. She eventually joined me in Europe. We got married in the US over the holidays the following year.
The whole cuckold dynamic is an interesting phenomenon. My blog is certainly not in the "mainstream" of most cuckold literature. To some it falls into the category of polyamory more than anything else and I suppose that's a pretty accurate description. However, as I've said many times, it's what works for us.
Before we were married I would sometimes tease sissy about finding a real man to fully satisfy me. To me, the verbal aspect of play can be very erotic. I've always been a verbal type of person and that extends to our play. As couples get to know one another, each one can begin to understand the other's particular desires, needs, fetishes, etc., particularly if they are sensitive to their partner's reactions to various forms of stimuli.
It became clear early on that cuckolding, at least in fantasy, was a turn-on for sissy. It was evident by the way she responded to my teasing. The teasing continued until I finally brought up the subject, asking her if she ever thought about acting on the fantasy. We discussed it at length and on multiple occasions. The discussions became more serious and we decided to move forward and drew up an informal set of parameters. It was something that I was willing to explore, but only within certain limits. I wasn't interested in a "hot wife" type of situation - I'd only be willing to "do it" with one partner. In addition, sissy would have to be in agreement with moving forward. We'd both have to be comfortable with whomever we decided upon. It was never a situation where I told her I was going to take on another lover whether she liked it or not.
I viewed it as a very significant step in the growth and evolution of our relationship. Cuckolding can be sometimes viewed as the next logical step in a deepening FLR or Fem Domme marriage. That is how I viewed it. Sissy was agreeable to exploring it, and I actually sat on the final decision for some time until I informed her I was ready.
The process of finding the right person was time-consuming, exhaustive and incredibly frustrating at times. I'm incredibly lucky it turned out so well. I believe the way we went about finding a lover for me made things easier as my relationship with Jay evolved. It certainly wasn't "classic" FD where the sub had absolutely no say whatsoever in the matter. I thought that sissy's role in the decision making process helped bring us closer together.
Knowing that Jay had sissy's blessing and was actually her "choice" as well, gave the relationship a certain intimacy that is difficult to explain. It allowed for a very high level of openness that otherwise might not have existed, or taken a painstakingly long time to develop.
The cuckolding also led to a much richer level of communication between sissy and I. That communication in turn helped strengthen our own relationship. Keeping a pulse on your sub's feelings and overall well being is so important in these types of marriages. It's a responsibility I take very seriously.
The communication and discussions we've had with one another related specifically to cuckolding have kept us closer and strengthened our marriage, and love for one another. Taking on another lover, and sharing a big part of the intimacy that takes place between you and your lover, with your lifetime submissive, forges an incredibly strong emotional bond.
