It seems to me that a marriage, if it is to be a long one, requires realistic expectations. Life is not a television show, nor can dreams ever truly be reflective of reality.

In my view, a successful long-term marriage will not be infused with never ending passion, a lifelong bliss of joy and feelings of love. I don't think it can happen that way, indeed, I think that the chemical reactions that take place in our brains to create those feelings of bliss have time limits, end eventually for any relationship. Life is not one hugely blissful happy ending.

I think that our extremely high divorce rate results exactly from these unrealistic expectations.

What is a good, long-term marriage?

In my view it is a mutual affection, and a mutual striving towards similar goals by two people who are there for each other. It is two people who will stand together against the cruelties of the world, supporting each other as they do so. It is two people who by knowing each other so well, and sharing an abiding mutual affection and intimacy will be able to help each other deal with and get through the most horrific parts of life that we must all face at some point. It is two people, aging together, protecting each other from the ravages of time and the ever-changing circumstances of our lives.

That is, I think, love.

The other is a chemical reaction in our brains.

By not confusing the two, we just might be able to make our marriages happier, and make them last.