Proving Motive, Cautious FemDom In Seattle
I recall off the top of my head two very similar bdsm disasters. The submissive died in both cases. I know that there have been more through the years I've been involved with female domination, but these two are enough to illustrate my point.
In the first case the submissive husband was bound to a bed in the spare room, gagged, and left while the wife went out on a date with another man. It seems that it was the standard scene every cuckold dreams of. Unfortunately for them both, the husband vomited while gagged and with no one there to release the gag, he died. This happened as I recall in a very conservative state, and the wife was arrested for killing her husband.
The second case was remarkably similar except the couple involved were gay, the state wasn't quite as conservative, and the dominant was not arrested.
Of course such disasters can be 100% avoided by playing to the Safe, Sane, and Consensual maxim. Never leave a bound person alone. Admitedly though, SSC can sometimes interfere with the enjoyment of both partners, so sometimes they might choose the other standard, Risk Aware Consensual Kink. They know the risk, and choose to take it anyway.
Additionally both of these disasters could have been avoided had the people involved been knowledgable about what they were doing. A ball, or other kind of closed gag can lead to such a disaster. A ring or tube gag can not. BDSM education is important and should be pursued by anyone proposing to play in a risky way.
Accidents do happen though, and in my view those in long term relationships that include risky play should provide each other with a measure of protection in case there is a play disaster and the 'victim' is no longer around to defend his partner.
A simple statement:
'We both enjoy pursuing alternative sexual practices that carry a degree of risk. We are aware of those risks to our health and even our lives, but pursue them nevertheless. Our alternative sexual practices are completely consensual, and we each individually take responsibility for our own health and safety.'
Signed by both partners, and kept with the households important papers would not be legally binding on any court, but would certainly help to prove innocent motivation on the part of the dominant should the worst ever happen. It could help keep the one you love out of prison, and the positive benefits it could provide are well worth the five minutes its creation would take.
Comments
In many ways, my blog is relative proof that I have avidly practiced and pursued these activities for many, many years. Since my closest family and many of my friends are well aware of our activities (and have been occasionally notified that we are playing, so that if they don't hear from us within a day, they should investigate) we feel that here in Canada we are protected.
I have been in a situation where, tied spreadeagled, my Domme has had an angina attack (we thought it was a heart attack, and an ambulance was called), so it swings both ways. My personal fear has always been that I am tied, my Domme goes out for milk and is hit by a car. Obviously her sincere fear is that my heart gives out or I have a stroke. We do what we can to protect ourselves.
Posted by: Alexis | March 7, 2010 9:46 PM
alexis,
I agree that those of us who are more 'out' about our activities don't need to be concerned as much about having our motivations misunderstood. It is those people who have completely hidden their play who must worry most.
I also think that your location in Canada, and mine in Seattle give us a good measure of protection, certainly police and prosecutors would be much more experienced, and less repulsed from alternative sexual expression in places such as we live in than would they be in say, Alabama.
M
Posted by: Milliscent | March 8, 2010 7:45 PM
Hi Ms. Milliscent,
An excellent idea. I think Em and I will do this immediately.
Best,
scott
Mrs. Kelly's Playhouse
Posted by: scott Kelly | March 12, 2010 4:39 AM
Hello Milliscent,
And greetings to everyone on this nice blog.
Such events as you describe are so sad. And would be so easy to prevent. I (Christine) have never let georgette alone at home without a way to escape. Life is life, and anything can happen at any time. I give the way to georgette, because it was her that got this idea (that you are knowing Milliscent)
Generally when Christine left me home alone, locked in a very humiliating or degrading outfit. Or sometimes chained by a ankle to a bed leg or table leg, she always let me a key or scissors under reach. Simply this key or scissors are sellotaped on a paper. Christine sign on the adhesive tape.
So, if the sub is really willing to please her/his dominant, this fragile adhesive tape keeping her/him away from freedom, becomes as strong as a chain.
And the sub is safety.
Sincerely,
Christine & georgette
Posted by: Christine & georgette | March 13, 2010 6:25 AM
scott,
I'm glad that you found some value in my suggestion. I imagine that you and Em's blog would provide all the information needed to show consent, but a bit extra could not hurt.
M
Posted by: Milliscent | March 13, 2010 3:30 PM
Christine & georgette,
Indeed, I agree with you that it is always best to play as safely as possible. Sometimes though, some people want to push the boundaries of safety, and I think that for them my post was written.
M
Posted by: Milliscent | March 13, 2010 3:32 PM