Safe, Sane, and Consensual. Risk Aware Consensual Kink. These phrases are widely accepted in the bdsm community as the standards that we as kinky people need to live by. I think though that they go beyond bdsm, fetish, & leather, I think that they are applicable to all forms of radical intimate relationships, and radical sexuality. It is, I think telling that while some members of our community may reject one of the phrases or the other, consent is mentioned in both. Clearly it is a basic concept the importance of which is recognized by virtually everyone.

We can of course debate the meaning of the words endlessly, and I think it is healthy for us to do so. Consent to me does not necessarily mean the same thing as it does to some of my readers as has been evident by discussions here and elsewhere through the years.

The finer points of such concepts as related to long-term relationships isn't the point of my post today though. Rather this post is a reminder about the basics of consent, the importance of informed consent.

The fundamental basics of consent demand that it be granted by all parties involved, and that all parties have the ability to do so.

Children do not have the legal, nor moral ability to consent to erotic play of any kind with adults. Seriously developmentally disabled adults also lack this ability, as do those with severe mental illness or other serious mental incapacity.

We must also assume that those who are seriously intoxicated with drugs or alcohol lack the ability to give informed consent.

Always receiving consent from those with whom we play and only from those with the ability to grant it protects us legally and morally, while at the same time protecting those members of our society who need it most.