Confusion About Female Dominance
By definition dominant women are dominant. The fact that so many producers of erotic materials forget this fact has always been a huge pet peeve of mine.
Dominant women do not lock their husbands in chastity devices, then cuckold those now chaste husbands by going out and submitting to a ‘real man,’ or as I’ve so often read giving both her submission and that of her husband to said ‘real man.’
A woman who is a switch might very well do this. There is certainly nothing wrong with doing this, * and for those women who love to switch it might be a tremendous turn on to unmercifully dominate one man while completely submitting to another.
Likewise the fellow who enjoys submitting to a switchable female might very well enjoy his submission to her, and if she requires it, his submission to her dominant bull.
Let’s be honest though. To call such a woman a dominant is absurd. She is not a dominant, she is a switch.
Again I say that there is nothing wrong with being a switch. But for stories to deal with such plots and claim that the woman is dominant is just plain irritating. For women who do this to claim to be dominants is equally irritating. We should all take pride in our bdsm roles whatever they may be, dominant, submissive, top, bottom, switch.
A dominant woman might very well lock her husband in a chastity device, then cuckold him by going out and finding erotic fulfillment with another man who is also submissive to her, or even weaving scenarios in which they both serve her by entertaining her with homoerotic activities. This is female dominance. A cuckoldress submitting to her ‘well hung, real man bull.’ can never be.
My request to writers of erotic stories is simple. Please stop ruining otherwise wonderful stories by waxing eloquently about the female’s extreme dominance and then having her go out and get on her knees for her ‘real man.’ Instead talk of how amazing it is that she has the mental ability to be such an amazing switch. Switches to me are amazing in their abilities to smoothly flow from top to bottom; these abilities deserve some credit in erotic fiction.
*I wrote above that there is nothing wrong with a switch dominating the hell out of her cuckold husband, then submitting to her dominant bull. I wanted to qualify that statement just a touch. There is nothing wrong with it, but it is dangerous, so care should be taken. Proper cuckolding exists to enhance the primary relationship and this is I think harder to keep in focus in such switch relationships. The female switch must in my view take even more care than usual to ensure that her cuckold’s needs are being met, and to protect her relationship with him against the very powerful emotions that can crop up.
Comments
Oh my dear Mistress Milliscent!
You have said it so right! I have had problems with those scenarios of a so-called dominant wife submitting to "bulls", damn, I despise that term.
Posted by: Susan's Pet | October 24, 2008 4:41 PM
Hello Ms. Milliscent,
This has been the way it is around these parts. Em dominates me but doesn't submit to these other guys. She is attracted to beefy well-endowed Alpha Males. I would describe her relationships with them more as eager than submissive. Most of these guys just want sex, maybe a few kinky games, but they are going to respect her basic orientation or else they won't get to play.
Respectfully,
scott
Mrs. Kelly's Playhouse
Posted by: scott Kelly | October 24, 2008 5:54 PM
Thanks MsM....This is something I have a problem with also.....its difficult for me to imagine a dominant woman being submissive. I suppose there are such things as switches but I can not call a switch a dominant....
Posted by: bdenied | October 25, 2008 7:30 AM
Susan's Pet,
I do understand the attraction, being taken, used, forced by a very powerful man who projects a view that women only exist to fuck, is I am quite certain an extremely powerful and positive fantasy for a great number of women.
Like all fantasies, it's great. I've never yet met a fantasy I didn't like.
It's certainly not female dominance though, and what I can't get my head around is why anyone would proclaim it as such.
M
Posted by: Milliscent | October 25, 2008 10:16 AM
scott,
I read almost every word that you and Emma post, and look upon future postings with great anticipation.
Why?
Because your postings are written 'honestly.' By that I'm not referring to truthfulness, rather the emotions expressed, and the feelings explored seem very honest to me, very much in keeping with how people work in my experience.
I suppose that is what bothers me so much about the stories I've ranted about. They don't seem 'honest.' The emotions and feelings are not presented 'right.'
I hope that this makes some sense!
M
Posted by: Milliscent | October 25, 2008 10:22 AM
bdenied,
What I don't understand about the authors of such fiction is why they don't try to present pride in the fact that their female characters are switches.
It is hard to be the dominant partner within a D/s or M/s relationship. Sometimes very hard.
By the same token it is hard to be the submissive partner within a D/s or M/s relationship. Sometimes very hard.
The fact that someone can do both of these things, be both of these roles, fully embrace and enjoy both of these roles is truly wonderful!
Authors should portray those who switch with pride in their abilities to do so. Success in both roles is a very difficult thing to do and should be commended.
M
Posted by: Milliscent | October 25, 2008 10:27 AM
Sexuality is not something that translates very well to the screen unless it’s handled by someone who understands it. Most people would claim to be straight, vanilla and to a greater or lesser extent happy with their orientation.
What I suspect is that due to their upbringing, social pressures and taboos most people have never explored aspects of themselves that might lead them down a less conventional path. This is a criticism of society rather than them. What this does mean is that the producers (and consequently consumers) of pornography see any type of sexuality, gay/straight, vanilla or D/s in stereotypical terms and tend to use clumsy visual and narrative shorthand when creating erotica/pornography.
We are not a D/s couple but when watching adult movies we often chuckle at how simplistic and often plain erroneous the depictions of bondage and domination are.
On a related topic I was considering writing a piece of erotic fiction with a gay theme last night. I decided against it because I am not gay or bi. As an exercise in writing it might be interesting but I would always be wary that I could make an ass of myself and upset someone. Perhaps adult film directors should take note.
Posted by: Alex | October 28, 2008 12:09 PM
Alex,
Thank you for your well reasoned comments. As always, they are greatly appreciated.
You are I'm sure correct, many of the odder aspects of erotica can be explained because they are created by those who just aren't into whatever is being portrayed.
M
Posted by: Milliscent | October 31, 2008 2:39 PM