My thoughts:

I think there is a much larger problem with BDSM events than the discomfort of playing in public or watching others. As much as I find it desirable myself to find some way of getting people together, and having the sort of spark between couples and others that you suggest, I must point out from my experience that the larger issue is that poly and BDSM are not enough.

To put it coldly, and to paraphrase my Mistress who this morning was discussing it with me, could we have events in which people can be expected to shave, brush their hair, wear deodorant and generally appear as though they have not slept the night in a gas station restroom? Could the people at the play party you propose have the slightest interest in furthering their education, could they have possibly had some beyond grade six? Could we set as a standard the absence of people trying to sell us whips of their own making, or dildos, or clothes, or indeed anything at all—that particular request holding for the organizers of the event as well as the participants?

It has been the general sleaziness, the ignorance and the ambition of kinky events patrons that have driven us both (Mistress and I) from any sort of public association. Perhaps we could incorporate an inspection process at the door, so that it required more than money to get in, but an actual desire to meet a dress/hygiene requirement. Perhaps we could require some sort of reading or comprehension exam in order to exclude all except those with at least a 90 I.Q. Perhaps we could tell people to leave their sales kits at home, and eject those who can’t help themselves from making pitches between the speeches.

Do that, and I’ll forgive the sad dramatic displays, the petty infighting, the smug attitude of leather players against transvestites, the habitual needs of coordinators to coordinate and the rules, oh the constant, never ending rules intended to adjust behaviors to those of a soccer mom. It could be that if we could just raise the quality of the participants, even by the slightest measure, the need for rules, coordination, smugness and pissing contests might potentially diminish.

I hold myself in readiness for the invitation that addresses any of these issues. I’d be prepared to pay a $100 a ticket if reassurances could be made.

I don’t plan to hold my breath.

alexis,

I think you make an interesting, and unfortunately at times valid point that should be considered.

I think that there are basically three fundamental kinds of groups out there. I don’t know what they should be called, but I’ll call them ‘non-selecting,’ ‘exclusive,’ and ‘self-selecting.’

To my mind non-selecting groups are those in which no choice is made as to who belongs and who doesn’t belong. A nation for example is a non-selecting group, our USA has to take in both the criminals and the saints, it isn’t possible to only take the folks who add something to society. The Democratic Party is another example of such a group; Mr. Obama is forced to tolerate Lyndon Larouche within his ranks. It just isn’t possible for all members of such a group to get along.

Exclusive groups are easily thought of as institutions like the local Yacht Club. If a fellow wants to join he has to be elected in by all the other members, thus likely assuring that he will fit in with the group. Many service clubs are set up in a similar manner.

I think that self-selecting groups fit somewhere in between these two extremes. They are groups with carefully tailored interests over a rather broad spectrum of things. Like a non-selecting group there is no requirement for being approved in, but given the broad spectrum of interest, folks who wouldn’t get along with the group are unlikely to join. In other words they would self-select themselves out. A group I belong to, the WBCCI fits this mold I think. One must actually own an Airstream (the only requirement for membership.) One would I think be virtually required to enjoy travel in that Airstream for if he didn’t there would be no reason to join a club that actually has the word ‘caravan’ in it’s name. One would also I think need to be rather a snob, or someone who enjoys the good things in live (depending upon ones perspective) for otherwise one would be I imagine quite uninterested in a group that includes evening formal wear in it’s big annual rally (read: camping trip.)

In my experience bdsm events are generally either non-selecting or exclusive. Either they are large events that are basically advertised to and open to the public, or they are small events made up of a fairly tight knit group of friends. The large non-selecting events will I think always be prone to disagreement between attendees because the perspective of each attendee is so very different from others. Exclusive events have their own set of problems in that it is difficult to make them large enough for the benefits of group interest to come into play.

I think that the idea I’m discussing here might be a better way. It would be I think self-selecting which would ensure that participants had enough in common to enjoy each other, yet at the same time be open enough that the group would become dynamic.

Let me use an example:

An event is advertised in which RV’s will all join up at a rally in the town of Prosser Washington for wine tasting at the huge numbers of surrounding wineries.

It seems to me that this event would ensure that only folks who were likely to get along with each other would attend.

First of all, they would all be rather kinky, for such an attitude/interest would be a requirement for membership.

They would all be interested in a similar manner of travel, given that one would need an RV to stay in the facility.

They would all be in a high enough economic position to be able to afford that form of travel.

They would all be social enough to want to get to know others in this way, for if they were not they would simply go on their own.

They would all be interested in fine wine, for if they were not they would not likely go on a wine tasting trip.

With the RV wine tasting trip as the only criteria I think that you would get a certain type of person, a certain group would form all on it’s own.

I think that if the exact thing were done with beer tasting substituting wine tasting a different type of person would attend; a different kind of group would form. One isn’t better or worse than the other, but I think that they would be different. I think that either trip would end up with participants who were predisposed to get along well with each other.

M

Two events in the Seattle area are Paradise Unbound, which happens around Labor Day and is organized by the Center for Sex Positive Culture, and Polycamp, organized by some of the poly folks on the sea-poly list. I haven't been to either, and can't say whether attendees wear deodorant, but they sound like nice events with nice people and their not commercial.

Polycamp is family-oriented.

Melinda,

Thank you for bringing up these two events. I am familiar with Paradise, but not Polycamp.

Another event that sounds good, but that I've not yet been fortunate enough to attend is held outside of Salem Oregon each year. I was supposed to have a chance to go this year, but was unable to make it after all.

I think that Alexis was being a bit tongue in cheek regarding the deodorant! ;-)

M