I'm not a huge LKH fan, but she's had some good insights expressed by her characters in her different book series.

It's unfortunately, though, that we learn - somehow - early in life that sexuality is one area in which free expression is taboo, that there is one correct way (well, maybe a small handful of ways) and that everything else is simply perverted, and therefore, wrong.

Back in my 20s - right after the horseless carriage was invented - I remember being with a group of school friends - young men and women) - and the topic turned to discussing what was "kinky." Several of them thought that oral sex was the kinkiest thing that they could imagine. Blindfolds and handcuffs were way beyond kinky, they were "sick," or "perverted." I didn't bother mentioning threesomes or candle wax.

Somehow it came up that I generally went "commando," i.e., didn't wear underwear. One girl sitting next to me actually moved away, saying that it was "disgusting" and "dirty."

Data point: these were all college-educated people from the suburbs of Connecticut.

What happens with so many of us is that we fail to discuss our range or desires until we're already well into a relationship. Or sometimes we, ourselves, don't come to realize or understand our own desires until we've matured a bit. By then, we're in a relationship with a partner who refuses to acknowledge, let alone accept those desires; some of us lead lives of quiet desperation, others try with heavy-handedness to get our partners to accept it, and others seek gratification elsewhere.

I don't have any answers. At this point in my life, I'm not even sure that I have any questions, either. I do think that it's too bad that so many people have to live this way, to have their souls killed - usually not in a single action, but metaphorically pecked to death by ducks.

Sex is like air. It's not important unless your not getting any.

I have some problems with profound statements because some or all of them may be faulty. In the above quote I agree with the first sentence which sets up what is to follow.

We are free to accept love from a person. Once we do, we are limited by what this person wants, needs, or can accept. So a decision must be made: "Do I respect her limits, do I refuse her love, or do we try to compromise?"

"A small death that kills the soul" sounds like no compromise. I try not to be that hard in my decisions, and I could not live with a person who is that way. Some self-indulgent people like themselves so much that they actually believe what they say in moments of great insight. After I sober up I often think that I am just too full of myself, and become embarrassed with what I had said or done. I wonder whether the person who uttered these words went back to re-evaluate that statement.

Tom,

Thank you for your insight. I enjoyed reading your thoughts very much.

I do agree that it is vitally important for people to discuss their sexual needs prior to entering a serious relationship.

I am saddened by the large number of people who don't do so, even often older people who should know better.

M

jlp,

To me it can not only be quantity, it must be quality!

M

Susan's Pet,

I think that is an advantage writers of fiction have. Their thoughts may be explored through attribution to their characters. In this case Anita Blake.

M