Fetishizing Childhood Innocence & Safety
I’ve noticed an odd trend among parents today; it seems to me that people are almost fetishizing childhood innocence & safety. I can’t imagine that it is healthy for the children, and I have to wonder how these children who were obsessively protected by their parents will turn out when they finally reach adulthood.
I know of two different sets of grandparents who have been told that their grandchildren cannot see them drinking alcohol. I know of a mother who is convinced that her very young daughter was molested by the equally young neighbor girl because the two girls were observed ‘playing doctor.’ Lastly I know of a mother who does not allow ‘negative’ words such as death to be said around her children.
It seems that children today are not allowed outside without an adult chaperone. Gone forever are the days when one wandered off to play in the morning, returning home when it started getting dark.
It seems that parents today are convinced that there is a child predator around every corner. Gone forever are the days when children were able to visit a playground without having paranoid fears coursing through their parent’s minds.
Children in the past climbed trees, participated in dangerous sports, explored the wonders of nature. They crashed, sometimes broke bones, fell often with the skinned knees to prove it. They were allowed out of sight, growing up by being alone as their maturity level dictated. Are children allowed to do these things today, or are we as adults so worried about them that we try to protect them from every danger, hence not allowing them to live, to grow up?
When children are allowed to be children, to enjoy the world, are their heads so filled with the fears of their parents that they can’t actually have fun? Isn’t childhood supposed to be about just that, having fun?
Children fall out of trees, they get skinned knees. Children see and hear bad things. That is the nature of childhood. Are we as adults taking the joy out of childhood because we are so protective of our children that we disallow them from doing the things that make childhood worth living?
Lastly I must ask myself, are the fears adults feel for their children today even rational? Is the fear commensurate with the risk? Could it be that adults are so concerned over the safety of children that this ideal of safety, of innocence has become almost as a fetish within the adults in question? Are adults fetishizing childhood innocence, fetishizing childhood safety?
Clearly it is wrong for adults to allow children to be in overly dangerous situations. It is however equally wrong for an adults fears to prevent them from allowing their children to indeed be children.
Comments
I grew up with the skinned knees and going home just before dark. As you suggest, it is a bygone era. My theory on why this paranoia on protecting children happens as a result of our society’s evolution.
It begins with the pressure of population. In any situation when the number of beings exceeds the desirable amount of space, tension builds. Demand for attention, food, private space, etc. kick in. It is not that the beings become worse, but that the potentially bad traits manifest themselves more frequently.
This is not a new trend. Take a large city, such as London in the eighteen hundreds. Crime was a daily occurrence when based on police records and normalized to population. We are not so much different as far as that goes. What is different today is that any crime, any aberration, and deviation from what is expected are "in-your-face" constantly in the news media. For example, “Plumber beats wife with a snake. Details at 10 …”
From our perspective, “It’s a jungle out there.” No wonder we think that we must protect our children. There is an accumulation of new and failed theories of child rearing espoused by publish-hungry psychiatrists. We have more well-meaning but stupid or uneducated and failed parents. We have stressful and desperate real criminals who learn of one another’s exploits via the media’s bombardment of us with so-called news (think of the Jon Benet Ramsey case).
I don’t condone our behavior, but I understand this much. I wish of earlier, more simple life, but that has come and gone for now.
Posted by: Susan's pet | July 28, 2008 4:44 AM
Susan's Pet,
Thank you for your insightful comment, I think that I must agree with most of your thoughts.
It is my understanding that serious crime rates are going down in our country, but as you mention the media has become a 24/7 machine and that ensures we instantly know the details of every shocking crime, likely leading us to believe that there is evil around every corner.
I am pleased that I grew up in an era in which I was given the freedom to be a child, and I think equally pleased that I don't need to face the challenges of parenting in this from my perspective, rather paranoid time.
M
Posted by: Milliscent | July 28, 2008 4:53 PM
Right on Milliscent.....You hit the nail on the head...some schools wont allow kids to play tag for fear someone might get hurt. some towns ban keeping score in little league lest someone feel they lost. Kids in Africa run around at age five fighting in wars (I do not advocate that for a moment) Kids in the middle east are tossing grenades.(see above) but my point is we dont let kids play tag...as John Stossel would say..."Give Me a break!"
Posted by: bdenied | July 30, 2008 6:58 AM
bdenied,
I am pleased that you liked the post. I must admit that in some ways I feel that I shouldn't write about parenthood since I've chosen to not have children, but on the other hand I'm not convinced that the childless are without good thoughts on child rearing.
For that reason I posted it, but not without some reservation.
M
Posted by: Milliscent | August 2, 2008 4:14 PM
I agree, and as a parent think its wrong to prevent your kids seeing the world around them. When my kids ask about death, sex, injury or war I tell them the truth. In simple words for sure, in a way so as not to hurt them emotionally, but the truth nonetheless. I try to let them, even encourage them to walk on walls and climb trees, kick piles of leaves and jump in puddles. This is a good thing, and I agree wholeheartedly with Milliscent.
One thing I still cant bring myself to do is let them out to play on the street without supervision. I will when they are older but for now the fear of loss or harm is too great. I agree that media induced awareness of harm is part of the problem, but so is the knowledge that many people out there will walk on by rather than help them if they get into trouble. That I think has changed compared to the past.
MyKey
Posted by: MyKey | August 5, 2008 5:43 AM
MyKey,
It sounds like you are a wonderful parent, balancing risk with the ability to grow. It saddens me when I hear of people who will not allow their children the opportunity to grow, to have fun, or to learn how to face the world.
M
Posted by: Milliscent | August 5, 2008 3:25 PM